I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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