At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
