do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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