I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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