You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
