so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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