This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
