im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
