I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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