I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
