Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
