Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
