she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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