Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
