I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
