"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
