I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize