I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
