where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
