You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
