you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize