he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
