There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
