ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
