Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
