How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We just shotgunned beers for America
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
