We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
