im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
