There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
