I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
