Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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