the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
