You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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