i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Randomize
