How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm sobbing to NWA
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
