i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
