Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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