phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
