Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
