Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
