if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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