I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
