I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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