please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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