Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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