Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
