No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
