I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
