can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
