Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
