how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
