How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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