My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
