I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
