So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
