"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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