found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
