Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
