Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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