Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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