Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
