Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
