Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
