how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
