Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
How's work?
Spinning.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
