you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
