Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
